12/29/2021

This year, and last, I realized that life comes at you fast. The cliche spoken by many mouths. “Life comes at you fast.”

This has shown me how important it is for me to take it slow. I used to take much time for rest. I took time to deeply reflect on my life and how I wanted it to go. I found myself, deep inside, and I was not willing to let go for quite a while... until I did. I let myself live a little because I felt that I was being too hard on myself. 

After completing my Yoga Teacher Training in June 2020, I found intention in my life. I found that I, myself, create the limitations that my life flows through.

I found more ways of healing through food. Real food. Food that promotes cellular detoxification. I was following through with taking true care of myself with juice, fruit, herbs, eventually eliminiating some mucoid plaque, a rubbery substance that lines the colon preventing the absorbtion of nutrients into the bloodstream. 
Those around me who had little understanding of what I was committed to doing worried for my health. But, I was proud of myself. I remember seeing mucoid plaque in the toilet and jumping up and down. In drinking juice daily, and sometimes only, I inspired others, including my mom to also take initiative, in their own way, to take care of themselves. 

Even when I didn’t say much, my consistency spoke for itself.

This is where I found extreme benefit in consistency, devoted practice and discipline.

I was becoming more confident in myself and started showing my face on instagram more often and, in turn, saying yes to my childhood dream of modeling. I now felt I could take everything I remembered from America’s Next Top Model and put it into practice, with the help of photographer friends that guided me into more comfort in my body.

I felt myself in alignment and making my inner child happy again. Finally being seen after spending much time truly seeing myself, beginning before and continuing through a global pandemic.

I found myself making choices and reaping the consequences of them, including staying in America during a pandemic and reading into every “conspiracy theory” that I could find on the internet.

I found myself connecting with people in my city and across the country. I was going on solo trips using my unemployment money with no thought of what the future would hold for me. 

I found myself in relationship with men that took advantage of me, men that couldn’t see me clearly, but, also men that will forever be my brothers and always have my love and support.

I found myself torn between a man that ran away to begin a new life, a fantasy of a man who didn’t have space for me emotionally, and a manwho had never turned his back on me since the first day I met him, though I rarely gave him the time of day. But, when I did, he made every moment worth it.

The second man and I spent more and more worthy moments together, which led us to confusion, sadness, anger, jealousy, heartbreak, joy and laughter. We used a lot of time and money building a relationship from a friendship.

I can proudly say that I chose the one that wouldn’t give up. The one that left flowers on my porch every week. The one that was always there, even when I didn’t want to see him. 

Letting him in has been one of the best decisions I’ve been continually making for the past 2 years.

Now, our love is creating space for a child.
A brand new step for both of us. A step we’re choosing to take together. Growing as a family.

I am eternally grateful that life came at me fast.
And I am grateful that I finally let it do so.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

  (Because it’s natural. It’s human.)