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>> Pregnancy Diaries

12/1/2021 -- in the midst of hormonal hysteria

I don’t want to do this anymore.

And yet, I feel like it’s the only thing keeping me alive. The movement of the little one inside me reminds me of this wombman’s body. And she’s now attached.

She couldn’t ever let it go now. And yet, she still doesn’t want to do it anymore.

It’s ruining the life she thought she had for herself. That life, it’s no longer tangible and the constant change is becoming unbearable.

[I commend all the men who have dealt with pregnant women and stayed around. They are strong.]

A woman that thought she had control over her emotions, now doesn’t even notice when she’s yelling until the damage of the screams have already torn through.

And she forgets.
She forgets that 7 minutes ago she was angry because now she’s wetting the pages in her journal with tears. Ripping through the damp pages as she passionately writes...

“You’d be better off without me...”
...And my deep, yet quickly changing emotions.

Would I really be okay with that? 

Hysterical Hormones.
How in the hell do you deal with those?
Maybe leave ‘em alone?
Or just leave me alone...
“You’d be better off without me.”

(Because it’s natural. It’s human.)