Pregnancy Diaries

11/20/2021 - day after blood full moon

There’s only so much you can have before even organizing it will make the space cluttered and overwhelmed with energy.

With that said, it has been quite difficult for me to clean up. Clean up in my own space, in my car, in my head, or even in or on my body. I have been quite overhwhelmed in all of my being with things to do, people to see, things to take care of and plan, all while doing my best to take care of myself for my baby.

The routine acts of each day have become extremely dreadful, even if I have the energy to do them (which isn’t as often as I’d like). I feel that my capacity to behave as a human being is growing, and I don’t feel necessarily un-peaceful, but, I feel like there’s a sense of order that I long for. A sense of health that is just out of my reach.

What is holding me back?
What must I let go of?
Am I letting go in order to gain something else that I desire?
How can I find peace now?
It seems inevitable that overwhelm becomes integrated into the human vessel. And that this overwhelm must be met with nurturance, as a mother would her child.

Yet, who nurtures the mother?

As it couldn’t be a job of her own... Have we forgotten to give to the mother?

Those [mothers] who endlessly give cannot only be taken from.

It’s kind of funny to me that even in the mistreatment of the Wombman, the human with the womb, the human with the ability to birth new life, she continues to give more and more.
Because deep down, it’s ingrained in her. The hope that she is leading by example... or maybe the hope that someone will acknowledge her power.

And yet, She runs the world.
What does she need validation for?

  (Because it’s natural. It’s human.)